Day 2

Almost slipped there. Just on my way to bed when I remembered that I hadn't posted for today. Looks like this will take some getting used to.

I was thinking about my last post, and something I said stood out to me. Referring to my decision not to add my traditional "lose weight" to my NY Resolutions, I made light of resolutions. It was my original intention to post that this hadn't been my intention at all. Then I thought about it for a while. These slips, be it a misspelled word, switched name or 'joke' often bring out feelings or beliefs that we aren't comfortable with dealing with head on. So we joke, or repress, but it always finds a way out, doesn't it?

I'm thinking this is a 2 parter. Once part being the lack of weight I accord to these resolutions. Sure, I make them every year, sometimes twice a year, but how much do I really have a stake in the outcome? Do I really believe that I'm capable of affecting change in my own life? Am I merely paying lip service to an idea that I feel I 'should' believe in? This is what I meant by reframing. Part Two is my belief in my ability to affect change. It's a fundamental belief that goes far beyond New Year's resolutions. Do I really take responsibility for my life and actions, or am I a passenger in my own life letting fate and other outside forces take the reins?

I spent the entire day eating poorly and playing Sims. I do so love this game but it's gotten a bit out of control. At this point, I have 5 Facebook pages and a Sims character in each page. I spend a HUGE amount of time clicking and switching. Why am I content to sit back and micromanage the lives of Sims characters, and sleep through my own life? Is this another way of escaping consequences, of not chancing failure since any failure in the games wouldn't be nearly as real or scary? And the eating! Oh my goodness! Huge chunks of Peanut Butter Fudge, pizza and I even went so far as to search for and make a slow cooker PB Chocolate Cake. What is up with the self sabotage? What need are these baked goods fulfilling?

Clearly I have a lot to think about. Started a new book called The Long Run. It's about an alcoholic who is able to turn his life around when he begins running; some inspirational reading. I also downloaded an app called "MapMyRun" where you can track runs, walks, climbs and other workouts, and share running/walking routes with others in your area. Seems fun :)

Well, I'm exhausted so I'm off to bed and to think.