Ha. For a minute there, the page on Blogger wouldn't load. It was like that moment or two when your professor is late and you think class may be cancelled. And then he walks in. LOL. Not that I mind writing here. Just like anything I tell myself that I HAVE to do, I sudden;t feel less like doing it.
My son is back. It's really nice to have him back. Max and I spent the entire day cleaning. He did a really great job on the bathroom. Which makes me wonder why he so seldom does it. So nice of me isn't it? LOL It's so nice to see the two of them playing games and watching videos together. Now, I really miss my oldest. Him being here would make it perfect.
I was organizing my FIL's bills today and found a notice of homeowner's insurance renewal. It was supposed to have been renewed yesterday but we just found the bill. I asked him at least 3 times if the insurance and taxes were paid for the house and was assured they were. Ever since he did the reverse mortgage, I've been freaking out. He told me that the only thing we had to worry about was if the insurance or taxes weren't paid. And now this! What the hell are we going to do if we have to sell the house? Where will we live? What will happen to the pets? It's really, really tense making. I'm hoping he can fix this but I'm very scared.
I think I have an infection in my jaw. It hurts and I've been experiencing a lot of allergy/nasal symptoms. I took some NyQuil tonight to make sure I can sleep. With the pain, and congestion, I'm not very comfortable at all. Wish me luck. I'd like to take another long walk tomorrow. I managed to skip my strength training today but did do 60 minutes on the stationary bike. That sucked. I felt tons better though after.
OK, I'm off.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The Little Things
I wonder if I've mentioned that Sparkpeople changed my suggested caloric intake range? I entered my workouts and got a message I'd never seen before in red. So of course I closed it without reading. Then I got it again the next day. Basically it was warning me about under-eating on a diet and advised me to change my fitness schedule to reflect my increased activity. Sure enough as soon as I did, the calories jumped from 1220- 1450 to 1470 1820. Oooh, you can bet I liked that. Made sense. When my doctor gave me the results of my BMR test, it was in the 2300 range. He advised a caloric intake of around 1800 if I wanted to lose weight. So why did I listen to a website instead of my physician? Probably because I felt the lower range would work faster, seemed more like dieting, etc. I can really feel the difference too. It was such a struggle to stay in range. I did it 99% of the time but I was so damned hungry. I've had 1632 calories today and I feel absolutely great. Well, sore but I did take a nice long 6.34 walk today. *pats self on back* Who know such a little change would make me feel so much better?
At the start of my walk, I ran into 2 dogs just running about. Cute and friendly but I freaked a bit at first because you never can really tell. Plus, I turned a bend and there they were, right in front of the house where 2 dogs went after me and my dog a few years back. Neither of them had tags but they seemed to be sticking to this one yard. I hope they lived there but who the hell lets one, let alone 2, dogs run about without at least tags on? It's all I can think about tonight. It was so lovely today but it's raining and cold now. I hope they're warm and dry now. I really should have knocked on the door and found out if they lived there.
My son is coming home from Bolivia tonight. Well, he's in Miami tonight, but he'll be back in PA tomorrow. I'm so happy! He's been in Bolivia since November. Of course that means I have to move out of his room which makes me sad, LOL. Soon his grandfather will be back as well and it'll be back to sleeping on the couch for me. Booo. I really need to find an apartment. Maybe one where I can have Jett. I know it can't happen until I graduate but that'd be super awesome. If I found a job in PA, I could rent a place that allows pets and it wouldn't be a big jolt for him. I worked with someone who rented a place in a trailer park. Wonder how much the rents are?
OK, now that I've finished my delicious PB and honey sandwich, it's time for me to sleep. I'm sure that the dogs will not be letting me sleep in tomorrow.
Chua!
At the start of my walk, I ran into 2 dogs just running about. Cute and friendly but I freaked a bit at first because you never can really tell. Plus, I turned a bend and there they were, right in front of the house where 2 dogs went after me and my dog a few years back. Neither of them had tags but they seemed to be sticking to this one yard. I hope they lived there but who the hell lets one, let alone 2, dogs run about without at least tags on? It's all I can think about tonight. It was so lovely today but it's raining and cold now. I hope they're warm and dry now. I really should have knocked on the door and found out if they lived there.
My son is coming home from Bolivia tonight. Well, he's in Miami tonight, but he'll be back in PA tomorrow. I'm so happy! He's been in Bolivia since November. Of course that means I have to move out of his room which makes me sad, LOL. Soon his grandfather will be back as well and it'll be back to sleeping on the couch for me. Booo. I really need to find an apartment. Maybe one where I can have Jett. I know it can't happen until I graduate but that'd be super awesome. If I found a job in PA, I could rent a place that allows pets and it wouldn't be a big jolt for him. I worked with someone who rented a place in a trailer park. Wonder how much the rents are?
OK, now that I've finished my delicious PB and honey sandwich, it's time for me to sleep. I'm sure that the dogs will not be letting me sleep in tomorrow.
Chua!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Trucking On
I've been trucking on through the list of resolutions. Things are going pretty well so far. I've been faithfully tracking each and every bite and my workouts on Sparkpeople. Blogging each and every day. I even started reading The Secret Garden. Go me!
I've got a few things to add to my list though. It never seems to end, but I guess tat's kind of the pijt, isn't it?
I need to:
I've got a few things to add to my list though. It never seems to end, but I guess tat's kind of the pijt, isn't it?
I need to:
- update my Child Abuse online certificate
- register for and take the Infectious Disease Control Certification (That'll have to wait for cash)
- Register for and start studying for the Assistant teacher certificates
That should keep me nice and busy. Well, I have another 6 mile walk schedules for tomorrow so I'm off for tonight.
Chua!
Monday, January 9, 2012
7 miles
I think there's a song called 7 miles, but I could be wrong. Anywho, that is the distance I walked today on my 2 walks. I am pooped now! I tried using the imapmywalk app. First I didn't start the track function until I was way into my walk. Then the darned thing kept freezing. Hard to say whether it was the app or the phone since it was pretty cold out there.
Well, I am writing this on my phone since my new kindle isn't in yet. Guess its a good thing I got this app. The kindle stopped working earlier this week. It wasn't even a month old! And Best Buy was sold out and had to order it. I haven't been having much luck with purchases lately. The orders I am waiting for are floating around there somewhere. Everyone seems confounded by the address change up.
Tomorrow, I'm going to do some strength training so I'm off to sleep. Chua!
Love/Hate
Like/Dislike? There are many things I love about keeping a healthy lifestyle. Those things tend to come further down the road in my journey. That alone makes it difficult to stay the course at times. Especially since the dislikes are right up there at the start. Today I thought, I'd put up my current list of likes and dislikes and see if I can use it to further motivate myself on this journey. I did wind up having fast food yesterday for dinner which was a BIG mistake. I felt super bloated and awful afterwards. PLUS, because I'd already gone over on my calories, even when I felt better I couldn't have myself a Skinny Cow. Booo! Oh, well.
Dislikes (Because I want to end on a good note)
1.) Thinking about Food..ALL THE TIME - I seem to always be thinking about food when I first start paying attention to my diet. Either I'm planning meals, daydreaming and coveting fatty/sugary foods, or researching recipes, it's always there. Sometimes, I just want to not think about it. Un-know everything I know and eat a doughnut...or 4. Of course, sometimes I do and then I wind up right back at Step 1, with a stomach ache and tighter jeans.
2) The Fumbling - I (like many others) hate feeling like a noob. I hate that initial fumbling that comes with starting a new job, a new workout routine or a new recipe. This is the stage where I'll start working out and right away, it all kicks in. Suddenly it's very apparent that the sports I'm wearing is inadequate, my shirt is too tight, etc. I start itching and sweating and I think, "Well, I'm probably almost done with this routine." Only to check the clock and realize I JUST started. Bah. Makes me want to stop, put on some yoga pants and take a nap. I try not to do that, with mixed results.
3.) I Grew Up With Montages and They Ruined Me For Real Life - Everyone of my age who watched/s television or movies, has grown up with the montage. So, when I start working out and/or dieting, I half expect that it will progress montage style. Time will fly, results will show, etc. I start dieting and a week later, weigh myself with visions of big numbers only to drop an increment. I work out and the first week flies by on passion and enthusiasm. Then week 2...and the realization that this is life. Ready to change the channel now...oops.
Likes
1) Thinking About Food - Sometimes I like this stage. I enjoy finding new, tasty and healthy recipes. Finding foods I enjoy that fuel my body well. Even learning new things about nutritional science. It's a true like/dislike. I even enjoy earning that special treat that I know is a splurge but well earned.
2) The Zone - After a bit, you find the routine and schedule that works best for your life and body. You remember which treadmill you like best at the gym, find the sports bra that makes your girls thank you (or not hate you), and it just starts to feel good. That can take time but when you get there, you just have a good time.
3) COMPLIMENTS- Let's face it, I may do this in part for my own benefit. I do want to have more energy, be happier and live longer. But part of it is to look damned good in those jeans. When you get that first, "Wow. You look great!", you smile serenely and hope it'll distract you from the cake 4 inches to their left. Give or take an inch.
4) Life - It's a broad category, but at some point you begin to feel the effects. You start sleeping better, your optimism is way up, your metal clarity and energy are ever increasing. Suddenly you notice you're not falling asleep at your desk at 2 or dreading going for a run. It's just another part of your day. Then, someone in your social circle refers to you as, "the runner/skinny chick/health nut".
The hard part is that most of my Likes take time and dedication to experience. That's a small part in why I've decided to keep this Blog faithfully. I have been there before. I've been at goal or very close to it. I've been the "healthy one" in my group. What I don't remember clearly is how long it took my mind and body to get there. What was I feeling along the way? What helped keep me going those times when it is frequently easier to give up than keep going? Hopefully by chronicling this journey, I'll be able to keep going, not take a shuttle back to the start.
I'll be back this evening, since I skipped yesterday. it's my intention to have a post for each day, with as little doubling up as possible.
Dislikes (Because I want to end on a good note)
1.) Thinking about Food..ALL THE TIME - I seem to always be thinking about food when I first start paying attention to my diet. Either I'm planning meals, daydreaming and coveting fatty/sugary foods, or researching recipes, it's always there. Sometimes, I just want to not think about it. Un-know everything I know and eat a doughnut...or 4. Of course, sometimes I do and then I wind up right back at Step 1, with a stomach ache and tighter jeans.
2) The Fumbling - I (like many others) hate feeling like a noob. I hate that initial fumbling that comes with starting a new job, a new workout routine or a new recipe. This is the stage where I'll start working out and right away, it all kicks in. Suddenly it's very apparent that the sports I'm wearing is inadequate, my shirt is too tight, etc. I start itching and sweating and I think, "Well, I'm probably almost done with this routine." Only to check the clock and realize I JUST started. Bah. Makes me want to stop, put on some yoga pants and take a nap. I try not to do that, with mixed results.
3.) I Grew Up With Montages and They Ruined Me For Real Life - Everyone of my age who watched/s television or movies, has grown up with the montage. So, when I start working out and/or dieting, I half expect that it will progress montage style. Time will fly, results will show, etc. I start dieting and a week later, weigh myself with visions of big numbers only to drop an increment. I work out and the first week flies by on passion and enthusiasm. Then week 2...and the realization that this is life. Ready to change the channel now...oops.
Likes
1) Thinking About Food - Sometimes I like this stage. I enjoy finding new, tasty and healthy recipes. Finding foods I enjoy that fuel my body well. Even learning new things about nutritional science. It's a true like/dislike. I even enjoy earning that special treat that I know is a splurge but well earned.
2) The Zone - After a bit, you find the routine and schedule that works best for your life and body. You remember which treadmill you like best at the gym, find the sports bra that makes your girls thank you (or not hate you), and it just starts to feel good. That can take time but when you get there, you just have a good time.
3) COMPLIMENTS- Let's face it, I may do this in part for my own benefit. I do want to have more energy, be happier and live longer. But part of it is to look damned good in those jeans. When you get that first, "Wow. You look great!", you smile serenely and hope it'll distract you from the cake 4 inches to their left. Give or take an inch.
4) Life - It's a broad category, but at some point you begin to feel the effects. You start sleeping better, your optimism is way up, your metal clarity and energy are ever increasing. Suddenly you notice you're not falling asleep at your desk at 2 or dreading going for a run. It's just another part of your day. Then, someone in your social circle refers to you as, "the runner/skinny chick/health nut".
The hard part is that most of my Likes take time and dedication to experience. That's a small part in why I've decided to keep this Blog faithfully. I have been there before. I've been at goal or very close to it. I've been the "healthy one" in my group. What I don't remember clearly is how long it took my mind and body to get there. What was I feeling along the way? What helped keep me going those times when it is frequently easier to give up than keep going? Hopefully by chronicling this journey, I'll be able to keep going, not take a shuttle back to the start.
I'll be back this evening, since I skipped yesterday. it's my intention to have a post for each day, with as little doubling up as possible.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
This and Only This
Updating daily seems to be the only part of my resolution that I'm truly rocking. At times it feel like a chore but once I get into it, I really enjoy it. Today is January 7th and it was 57 degrees out. CRAZY. Nice and sunny too. Took Jett for a walk and he wanted to do the back route of our house, down the hills and over the stream. He was really into nosing around in sewer drains, which I wouldn't mind if it didn't mean a) getting pulled down an embankment when he suddenly spots one and b) standing in marshy grass. Balt got to go on a walk with Franz today so he was happy. It's been a while and he's SLEEPY now. He almost got into yet another fight with Jett today. I managed to (with Max's help) get them separated before the fight began. He just started growling menacingly at Jett for no reason I could discern. I really need to start putting the heat on Joey to get that dog neutered or classes or something. Sometimes he's this sweet lovable guy and then he becomes this snarling creature. This religious freaks came onto our property today trying to hand out pamphlets and save souls. He went ape shit trying to get at them through the window. You'd think that, coupled with me pantomiming "NO THANKS" while holding him would give them pause, but NOOOO. The lady still came up to the door and tried to talk to me. REALLY?
I managed to do a tiny bit of work online on my Spanish website. I've forgotten some vocabulary so it seems this vacation review is a good thing. Especially since I have Spanish II starting soon. Oh, a bit of bad news regarding the internet though. My Kindly isn't working! I haven't even had it for a month :( Turned it off today because I couldn't access the wireless and it wouldn't turn back on or charge. Boooo! Tomorrow I will take it to Best Buy.
Ugh. I wore a damned girdle all day in anticipation that we were going out today. My jeans are really snug around the waist now, and it shows quite a ribbons of chub under my shirt. Bah. I'm up to 177.4 pounds. I don't even know what I'm going to do about that. I've got to try to find that moment where I feel myself gaining momentum, but it hasn't happened yet.
I can't find a Kindle edition of "The Golden Notebook". Alas, it may need to wait. So will the classic reading as my Kindle is out of commission. I have a few on my phone but it's no fun reading them on it, and the strain of focusing on the tiny words gives me a headache. On the other hand, it also makes me sleepy so that's not bad...
I feel like I have more to say but I am tired and have things to do (miles to go) before I sleep.
Chua.
I managed to do a tiny bit of work online on my Spanish website. I've forgotten some vocabulary so it seems this vacation review is a good thing. Especially since I have Spanish II starting soon. Oh, a bit of bad news regarding the internet though. My Kindly isn't working! I haven't even had it for a month :( Turned it off today because I couldn't access the wireless and it wouldn't turn back on or charge. Boooo! Tomorrow I will take it to Best Buy.
Ugh. I wore a damned girdle all day in anticipation that we were going out today. My jeans are really snug around the waist now, and it shows quite a ribbons of chub under my shirt. Bah. I'm up to 177.4 pounds. I don't even know what I'm going to do about that. I've got to try to find that moment where I feel myself gaining momentum, but it hasn't happened yet.
I can't find a Kindle edition of "The Golden Notebook". Alas, it may need to wait. So will the classic reading as my Kindle is out of commission. I have a few on my phone but it's no fun reading them on it, and the strain of focusing on the tiny words gives me a headache. On the other hand, it also makes me sleepy so that's not bad...
I feel like I have more to say but I am tired and have things to do (miles to go) before I sleep.
Chua.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Busy doing something close to nothing
but different than the day before. Ha. I've been thinking about that song lately, oddly enough. The first prompt was a pair of gloves and hat I got for Christmas. They're a lovely shade of raspberry and reminded me immediately of that song and a blusher I used to love. The ways our minds work sometimes amazes me.
I didn't get through everything on my To Do. I did one out of 3. Huh. Either I stink at getting stuff done or I'm setting myself up for failure by adding things that don't matter when I don't really need to be doing them. Probably a bit of both. Finally got my son's application for Medicaid submitted, which is a huge load off my mind. I needed some info for him, but now it's done. I really hope he follows up this time.
Also took Jett out for a nice long walk. It was almost 50 degrees out today! Crazy warm for this time of the year, and considering it was 17 degrees 2 days ago. God, it must suck so bad for anyone who lives or works outside. We dropped Joey off in Scranton and then hit a few stores. As usual that ate up a good chunk of the day. We took Jett with us so he was happy. First we hit Bam. Bam is a new book store that took over the Borders store in Scranton when it went under. We were really glad to see it because once the Borders went under so did any book stores within at least 60 miles. Sadly, the one in East Stroudsburg which is more convenient was taken over by a cheesier store. Oh, well. Anyway, I bought a really cute dog calendar. It's cute and they were all 50% off. Shame that I saw a cuter cat one just after I bought the dog one.
Bought the ingredients to make a no bake cheesecake from Walmart. The Walmart in Scranton is quite a bit nicer than the one in Mount Pocono. Also got the fixings for a dinner I've read about on a runner's Tumblr. It's chicken sausage, orzo and broccoli. I think I got the wrong broccoli because she uses fresh rabe but maybe I'll use the spinach we have on hand instead. The cheesecake came out kind of weird because the cream cheese and cool whip didn't blend as well as I'd have liked. Then to make matters worse, I tried to fix it by scooping the pie innards out and blending them, messing up the graham cracker crust. It's better blended but looks weird and sloppy. Tastes okay though.
I also made a Tumblr account for my Sims character. Ha!
One thing I do want to do is to do some research into helping my sister set up a set advertising tutoring and editorial services. She has been editing mine and my son's papers for school now for a while. She's quick, concise and communicates well. I think it's be a good revenue stream for her.I worry about her future. She hasn't had a job that isn't off the books ever. How is she going to live when she's older? I worry a lot about that.
Decided on the classic book I want to read this month. It's "The Golden Notebook" by Doris Lessing. I wonder if that counts as a classic? I think it probably does but I'll have to check. Don't know what I'll choose if it doesn't make the cut. I'll still read it, it just won't be my "January Classic".
Ha. Once again, exhausted and not feeling like writing and still found quite a bit to say.
Night.
I didn't get through everything on my To Do. I did one out of 3. Huh. Either I stink at getting stuff done or I'm setting myself up for failure by adding things that don't matter when I don't really need to be doing them. Probably a bit of both. Finally got my son's application for Medicaid submitted, which is a huge load off my mind. I needed some info for him, but now it's done. I really hope he follows up this time.
Also took Jett out for a nice long walk. It was almost 50 degrees out today! Crazy warm for this time of the year, and considering it was 17 degrees 2 days ago. God, it must suck so bad for anyone who lives or works outside. We dropped Joey off in Scranton and then hit a few stores. As usual that ate up a good chunk of the day. We took Jett with us so he was happy. First we hit Bam. Bam is a new book store that took over the Borders store in Scranton when it went under. We were really glad to see it because once the Borders went under so did any book stores within at least 60 miles. Sadly, the one in East Stroudsburg which is more convenient was taken over by a cheesier store. Oh, well. Anyway, I bought a really cute dog calendar. It's cute and they were all 50% off. Shame that I saw a cuter cat one just after I bought the dog one.
Bought the ingredients to make a no bake cheesecake from Walmart. The Walmart in Scranton is quite a bit nicer than the one in Mount Pocono. Also got the fixings for a dinner I've read about on a runner's Tumblr. It's chicken sausage, orzo and broccoli. I think I got the wrong broccoli because she uses fresh rabe but maybe I'll use the spinach we have on hand instead. The cheesecake came out kind of weird because the cream cheese and cool whip didn't blend as well as I'd have liked. Then to make matters worse, I tried to fix it by scooping the pie innards out and blending them, messing up the graham cracker crust. It's better blended but looks weird and sloppy. Tastes okay though.
I also made a Tumblr account for my Sims character. Ha!
One thing I do want to do is to do some research into helping my sister set up a set advertising tutoring and editorial services. She has been editing mine and my son's papers for school now for a while. She's quick, concise and communicates well. I think it's be a good revenue stream for her.I worry about her future. She hasn't had a job that isn't off the books ever. How is she going to live when she's older? I worry a lot about that.
Decided on the classic book I want to read this month. It's "The Golden Notebook" by Doris Lessing. I wonder if that counts as a classic? I think it probably does but I'll have to check. Don't know what I'll choose if it doesn't make the cut. I'll still read it, it just won't be my "January Classic".
Ha. Once again, exhausted and not feeling like writing and still found quite a bit to say.
Night.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Ta Da!
I'm remembering that I work much better with a running to do list. Enough to keep me busy without drowning in things to do. For tomorrow I have planned:
- Walk the dog
- file paperwork I sorted today
- track all of my eats
- Review Lessons 1 and 2 on the Spanish website
Eh, I'm tired and I don't feel like writing much tonight.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Not sure that trading "hard time falling asleep"
for "hard time waking up" is a good trade. Sure, I'm on vacation you say. Tell that to an insistent and bored puppy.
I fell asleep last night before midnight, thanks to a combo of NyQuil and Melatonin tablets. I figured the NyQuil would knock me out and boy was I right. Of course, to everyone else I'll be all "well, I wasn't feeling great so I took some NyQuil". But, we're past those silly pretenses now aren't we? I just needed to get some fucking restful sleep. Waking up was so damned hard. I had one of those Groundhog Day-esque dreams. In the dream I kept thinking I'd awakened only to discover that I was still sleeping either because I couldn't feel the water in my shower or I didn't feel it when I slapped my cheeks. I'd then force myself awake and it felt (and this I really felt) like I was pulling myself up out of quicksand. Weird. When did I become such a medicine ninny? It takes me almost a full day to get over medicine grogginess now. It's almost not worth the symptom relief.
I spent most of my day working on my house in Sims Social. A true waste of time but damned if that house isn't looking gooood! Posted a screen cap on Tumblr because I'm just that dorky.
We finally got some shopping done today. Got the stuff needed to make healthier meals and got some Skinny Cow ice cream for the evening. I have been craving a sweet snack at night. I know I'll find some awful thing to eat if I don't have something diet friendly on hand. I do have a recipe for 1 minute peanut butter cake memorized. That was a verrry bad move.
Just got some emails from my former boss who is trying to figure out our payroll for W2s. After we moved the computer from the school it crashed. Add to that the fact that we've been hand writing payroll checks and not using a payroll company and you have SCREWED. The worst part is that even though I wrote checks, I didn't make a worksheet keeping track of them all in one place. I know that by the time the school stopped paying payroll taxes I was pissed for many reasons. I really didn't believe that the taxes would ever be paid or that we'd be able to file taxes. That's part of why I didn't make a worksheet. Or why it never even OCCURRED to me. How is that possible?? I feel kind of stupid. No, really stupid. Of course even if I had, the computer crashed but I'd feel better if I had made one to begin with. Now, we're trying to calculate the payrolls and because of the haphazard schedule and lack of documentation, can't figure out if we under or over paid the staff. It looks to me like under, but my boss thinks over. I don't know which would make me feel better, or which would make me feel worse. Bah.
One thing I did get done today was FASFA renewals for me and the boys. Of course that ties right into the tax dilemma as you have to include this information. For now, I checked off "will not file" and we can fix it IF the tax situation gets fixed. Oh, and apparently I'm a displaced worker. You learn something new every day.
Wow, and I thought I had nothing to say tonight.
Ciao.
I fell asleep last night before midnight, thanks to a combo of NyQuil and Melatonin tablets. I figured the NyQuil would knock me out and boy was I right. Of course, to everyone else I'll be all "well, I wasn't feeling great so I took some NyQuil". But, we're past those silly pretenses now aren't we? I just needed to get some fucking restful sleep. Waking up was so damned hard. I had one of those Groundhog Day-esque dreams. In the dream I kept thinking I'd awakened only to discover that I was still sleeping either because I couldn't feel the water in my shower or I didn't feel it when I slapped my cheeks. I'd then force myself awake and it felt (and this I really felt) like I was pulling myself up out of quicksand. Weird. When did I become such a medicine ninny? It takes me almost a full day to get over medicine grogginess now. It's almost not worth the symptom relief.
I spent most of my day working on my house in Sims Social. A true waste of time but damned if that house isn't looking gooood! Posted a screen cap on Tumblr because I'm just that dorky.
We finally got some shopping done today. Got the stuff needed to make healthier meals and got some Skinny Cow ice cream for the evening. I have been craving a sweet snack at night. I know I'll find some awful thing to eat if I don't have something diet friendly on hand. I do have a recipe for 1 minute peanut butter cake memorized. That was a verrry bad move.
Just got some emails from my former boss who is trying to figure out our payroll for W2s. After we moved the computer from the school it crashed. Add to that the fact that we've been hand writing payroll checks and not using a payroll company and you have SCREWED. The worst part is that even though I wrote checks, I didn't make a worksheet keeping track of them all in one place. I know that by the time the school stopped paying payroll taxes I was pissed for many reasons. I really didn't believe that the taxes would ever be paid or that we'd be able to file taxes. That's part of why I didn't make a worksheet. Or why it never even OCCURRED to me. How is that possible?? I feel kind of stupid. No, really stupid. Of course even if I had, the computer crashed but I'd feel better if I had made one to begin with. Now, we're trying to calculate the payrolls and because of the haphazard schedule and lack of documentation, can't figure out if we under or over paid the staff. It looks to me like under, but my boss thinks over. I don't know which would make me feel better, or which would make me feel worse. Bah.
One thing I did get done today was FASFA renewals for me and the boys. Of course that ties right into the tax dilemma as you have to include this information. For now, I checked off "will not file" and we can fix it IF the tax situation gets fixed. Oh, and apparently I'm a displaced worker. You learn something new every day.
Wow, and I thought I had nothing to say tonight.
Ciao.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Peanut Butter Filled Zombie
Sounds like some sort of extreme snack doesn't it? Seriously, I've eaten just about a jar of peanut butter in the past week or so. Tomorrow, I'm hoping the ex will be willing to drive me to Walmart so we can pick up some groceries, healthy ones.
Today was such a weird day. I did make it out of my pajamas, but I'm not sure if changing into loungewear counts... I've been sleeping really terribly; having difficulty falling asleep, waking up several times a night and worst of all, really crappy dream quality. Not bad dreams, I just can't recall them. That really bugs me. I mean to me the idea of falling asleep with active dreaming is creepy. You may as well be dead for the evening.
Then, after shambling downstairs; feeding the pets and making coffee, I start playing Sims. We were supposed to go to Walmart but the ex didn't sleep last night and was all, "Ehhh we don't need anything. Plus I'm making chili so dinner's done." Except, that we do need things. I just didn't want to bicker, nor drive with someone that tired if I was able to guilt him into going.
So I spent the whole day watching videos on Netflix (my boss was nice enough to email me her pw and login and tell me to use it whenever - hmmm, wonder what she wants...), playing with the dogs, playing FB games, and noshing on fudge, Blurgh, I feel so craptastic now.
Worse than feeling physically blah, I just feel so spacey and out of it. I feel like I'm inside a case with thick glass walls, and everything is reaching me distorted and weak. Like I'm somehow separate from it all, watching from the outside. Wonder if that's a result of my withdrawal from meds, SAD, PMS, poor diet or a wicked combo of all of the above?
I did some retail shopping but it only lifted my spirits for a bit. Bought myself 2 necklaces from The Animal Rescue Site and some clothing from Old Navy. And finally remembered to renew the dogs' licenses. Hope they don't get lost again!
I can't think of anything else to write. I'm going to go to bed, finish my book and hopefully get a good night's sleep.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Day 2
Almost slipped there. Just on my way to bed when I remembered that I hadn't posted for today. Looks like this will take some getting used to.
I was thinking about my last post, and something I said stood out to me. Referring to my decision not to add my traditional "lose weight" to my NY Resolutions, I made light of resolutions. It was my original intention to post that this hadn't been my intention at all. Then I thought about it for a while. These slips, be it a misspelled word, switched name or 'joke' often bring out feelings or beliefs that we aren't comfortable with dealing with head on. So we joke, or repress, but it always finds a way out, doesn't it?
I'm thinking this is a 2 parter. Once part being the lack of weight I accord to these resolutions. Sure, I make them every year, sometimes twice a year, but how much do I really have a stake in the outcome? Do I really believe that I'm capable of affecting change in my own life? Am I merely paying lip service to an idea that I feel I 'should' believe in? This is what I meant by reframing. Part Two is my belief in my ability to affect change. It's a fundamental belief that goes far beyond New Year's resolutions. Do I really take responsibility for my life and actions, or am I a passenger in my own life letting fate and other outside forces take the reins?
I spent the entire day eating poorly and playing Sims. I do so love this game but it's gotten a bit out of control. At this point, I have 5 Facebook pages and a Sims character in each page. I spend a HUGE amount of time clicking and switching. Why am I content to sit back and micromanage the lives of Sims characters, and sleep through my own life? Is this another way of escaping consequences, of not chancing failure since any failure in the games wouldn't be nearly as real or scary? And the eating! Oh my goodness! Huge chunks of Peanut Butter Fudge, pizza and I even went so far as to search for and make a slow cooker PB Chocolate Cake. What is up with the self sabotage? What need are these baked goods fulfilling?
Clearly I have a lot to think about. Started a new book called The Long Run. It's about an alcoholic who is able to turn his life around when he begins running; some inspirational reading. I also downloaded an app called "MapMyRun" where you can track runs, walks, climbs and other workouts, and share running/walking routes with others in your area. Seems fun :)
Well, I'm exhausted so I'm off to bed and to think.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Day 1
One part of my New Year's resolutions for 2012, is to write in a journal for a minimum of 15 minutes each day. So, lacking an idea as to how to "break the ice", I'll start by recording my resolutions and the plan I have to achieve success. An article I read on Cracked.com, spoke about why your resolutions are destined to fail. One major reason, which seemed to make a great deal of sense was "failure to plan". Most people who make these resolutions, have a vague idea of what they want to accomplish, how they will accomplish and leave themselves enough wiggle room to diminish any accomplishments. They tend to leave their resolutions just vague enough so that any effort can be seen as success, even if the goals were originally much loftier. In "The Happiness Project" Gretchin Rubin, discusses the effect that repeated failure has on the brain, as well as success. Both create impact on the brain, and we naturally move towards activities and goals that have had positive effects. That's why, after repeatedly trying and failing at something, without a major re-frame and re-haul, your chances of accomplishing this goal greatly diminished. Success at a given task, create neural pathways that make it easier and more likely for you to continue to succeed in similar tasks.
So, am I saying we're doomed to fail once you've failed once? Not at all. It just means that any undertaking that matters, needs to be reviewed if you haven't accomplished what you've set out to accomplish. Re-framing the task and planning for life's challenges can help you to achieve these tasks. Naturally it won't be easy, as out brains are hard wired to avoid experiences that have had negative outcomes previously. That's where the re-frame becomes very important. You need to trick your brain into believing you are working on an entirely different project.
Thus, my new approach to New Year's Resolutions.
For one, I've decided to undertake just three this year. Any more than that felt like it was doomed to failure and just creating resolutions to feel good about creating them. Fun, but not what I have in mind for myself this year. I've decided to tackle the resolutions in 3 categories; emotional, physical and mental. Granted, there will be some overlap but that's not a big deal. The categories are guides, not the end all be all of setting the resolutions.
Emotional: Live a life examined each day.
It's a cliche but as you get older, the days seem shorter. Time really seems to fly by and you start feeling that you need to "budget" your time. You don't want to waste time trying and failing, trying and failing, at least not without reaping some benfits! Spending more time examining my goals, needs and wants, and learning from my success and failures will in the long ruin, be very beneficial.
Here's the plan:
Fifteen minutes of writing each day, at the end of the year, I plan to export the journal into a self-publishing program and have it on hand to going forward to review. Might be nice for my children and grandchildren. Also, might help me to wake up some creative and cognitive abilities and maybe do some writing that may be published.
Physical: Run a 10K
Obviously that one will take some time. I already have a 5K plan laid out for me by a trainer. The pan is to start working out doing circuit training in PA over vacation. Once I get back to NYC for classes, I will begin training with the laid out Couch25K program. Once I graduate, I'll enroll in Brad Ginsberg's Bridge Program.
Keeping my nutrition optimal and tracking work outs and nutrition are also on the agenda.
Mental: Read 1 classic book a month minimum.
My exposure to literature tends to fall into the chick lit territory. I plan to keep reading these silly books as I enjoy them but add in a variety of books to round out my reading.
Plan is to start reading now. I have several books loaded onto my Kindle and no shortage of time. Once school has started again,I will make a schedule and schedule my reading in much as I will my homework and work outs. Bonus to having the Kindle means my subway rides are a perfect time for this project.
Those who know me are probably surprised that I haven't added weight loss. I do need and want to lose weight but I also realize that I don't have to limit myself to only these three changes. But, they will be my main focus. Weight loss is going be a part of my life for some time to come. No need to limit or minimize what it will mean to my life by adding it in, or setting myself up for failure by adding in a MEGA RESOLUTION.
If you're reading this, feel free to comment. I welcome input :)
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